wat bout pragnant strippers??
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
