well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
