A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
