and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
