Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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