Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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