Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
operation have a gay friend backfired
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
