my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
