WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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