i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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