people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
