i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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