Non-Jews are for practice
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
