put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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