When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I cockslap morals
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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