you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
