I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
