people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
