I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
