I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
