I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
