i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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