youre lurking in front of me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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