I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
