You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
