She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
