Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I supernannyed him into submission
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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