the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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