Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
