He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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