its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
