did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
