saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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