i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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