Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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