good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
