My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
