So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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