I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
