Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
