grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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