i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
