Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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