My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
