When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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