You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have aggressive nipples.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
