I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it because I queefed?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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