You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
