dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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