Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
