he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
